Study Tools For A Dyslexic Could Be Useful For Others Too

Going back to school was a difficult decision to make for one basic reason.  I’ve always loved to learn, but school was a difficult time for me.  I equated education and the process of formally learning things with working hard for no real result.  The reason was because I worked harder than most other students and rarely did better than Cs on assignments.  And it wasn’t because I didn’t know the material.  Once I got into college I was tutoring other students in classes I was failing because I knew the material better than them, and they were getting As and Bs.

The reason why was quite simple.  I didn’t learn the way they did, and I don’t test well.  I have serious test anxiety, and I could easily spend most of my time just trying to find a way to get the reading done.  Once you add in homework and required projects all my time was used up.  It wasn’t uncommon for me to stay up well past 4 in the morning just trying to get everything I needed to do done.  Even with that work I still couldn’t count on doing well. 

This was before reading software for computers or at least ones that were affordable and really user friendly.  What was then Recordings for the Blind and Dyslexic sent text books on for track cassette tapes and you needed a special tape player to listen to them.  I still have mine for nostalgic reasons.  The problem was that many of my books simply weren’t available because it takes time to have a book read.  I still remember going around to people to try and get someone to read a chapter here and there. 

This isn’t even including the fight to prove I deserved to be in the classes, having teachers who actively worked to try and fail me, or the constant feeling like every time I didn’t do better than everyone else I was just proving that I didn’t deserve to be there.  This isn’t just in College.  In fact, I felt these issues more in High school than any other time.  There was always this persistent feeling like the truth was the people who didn’t want me in the classes were right.  I was stupid.  After all, only stupid people can’t spell.

Making the decision to go back to school felt like volunteering for that kind of life.  I loved to learn, but I hated how education made me feel.  Because of this, the way I went back to school was a bit backwards.  I didn’t investigate accreditations, and I barely even looked at if the schools offered the degree I wanted.  I investigated the disabilities offices.  I looked into their policies and how they worked with students with learning disabilities.  IPFW (Indiana University Perdue University of Fort Wayne) won.  I was registered with the disabilities office before I was enrolled as a student.  It was only after that that I even started organizing my transcripts and my IEP.

I took my first two classes in the summer and this started my routine on how I studied.  I had been using the dragon reading software for a while to read the news, but I found out that there was a more versatile reading software known as natural reader.  Recordings for the blind was now Learning Ally and designated themselves as offering read books for people with disabilities that effect reading.  That includes being blind, having Dyslexia, or any other disability that would make reading functionally useless for learning. 

I knew from past experience that the most difficult thing for me to do was keep up with the reading, so I’ve made it my goal every semester to have most or ideally all the assigned books read before the first day of school.  For clarity’s sake it is good to note that when I say read I am talking about listening to the text books on audio.  I tend to think of the terms listen and read as interchangeable.  Of cores that isn’t the only time I read the chapters, but after that I really only need to remind myself of what I’ve already heard. 

Another tool I use for my studies is making a study list.  In theory it is like flash cards.  Functionally it works the same way.  I, or more likely my mom or dad type up the vocabulary.  If I have a PDF of the file for accommodations and it has a glossary with definitions I just copy and paste that.  Then I have the list set up with a blank space, then the next line has the vocabulary word or phrase, and the third has the definition either blanked out using white for the color, or if it’s too long I change the font to WP BoxDrawing, which if you look for on you word font list you won’t be able to read because it is just a bunch of straight lines.  However, Natural reader can still read it, so after I guess the answer I select the unreadable text and hit play.  It is a little like always having someone to do flashcards with. 

I usually have a master list that I copy off of to study from in a different file.  The blank space is for me to put some sort of notation that I got it right.  How I do this part is just kind of my own way of keeping me honest.  In the short run getting them all wrong gets a study session done fast, but in the long run I could wind up getting all vocabulary done before it ever comes up in class.  I go down the list trying to get half way through.  If I get it right that word gets an * in the blank space.  If I get it wrong and it already had an * I delete that * and move onto the next.  If I get the next word right it gets the* and the word I got wrong goes to the bottom.  In essence every word I get wrong loses an * ever word I get right gets one.  If I get a string of words wrong until I get to the middle, I’m done.  If on the way I get one right the ones who either didn’t get an * or had there’s deleted gets moved to the bottom and the list of words right gets longer.  Every time I start I do so at the top.  Every time I get one right it gets a star until it has three stars and then the word is deleted because I know it. 

Long convoluted and complicated, but it works.  I usually start working on vocabulary before the class starts during the 3 week break, and I do a whole text book at a time.  The reason is because I can then discard words I either already learned or learned so easily that I don’t need to worry about it.  That just leaves the ones that are a real struggle, and with any luck I’ll have them down before they ever come up. 

I tend to type everything on my computer even if it isn’t required because I have access to spellcheck.  This doesn’t just make things easier for me, but makes me look even more prepared to the teacher.  I also have horrific handwriting and this way the teachers don’t have to try and read it.  I’ve noticed over the years that hearing my work read back to me using the reading software for editing not only helps me ketch words that are spelled similar but have very different meanings like follow and fallow.  But hearing the words read helps me ketch when a sentence is running long, or when a comma is needed not for grammar, but function.  I write at a higher level than I can spell or read so it helps me keep from getting too simplistic in wording.  I’ve also learned that if spellcheck doesn’t know the word I mean or it’s not an actual English word like khaki, google will know. 

My philosophy in school work is that the only way to keep from falling behind is to make sure I am always ahead of the class.  I may walk into class and find that we aren’t even covering 3 of the chapters I read, but that is still just fine.  No one was ever hurt by reading too much.  I’ve also listened to an entire book and then had the teacher never assign any reading of the book.  Again, that’s fine.  The instructor selected the book for a reason.  It likely does have the information as the instructor wants it learned, but they are simply not one’s for required reading.  It is still helpful to have already heard what it is you are about to learn before it is taught. 

My philosophy on class organization is a bit backwards in some ways.  It can seem overly intensive to try and grapple all the vocabulary or all the reading at once, but as words are deleted, and as you read the information without the stress of an upcoming test you can see the progress in a very different way.  The study list is narrowed down to just the terms you really have trouble with.  The things that aren’t an issue are set aside.  You can stop reading and maul over concepts in a way you just can’t do when you’re on a real time constraint.  After all, if you don’t meet your set goal at this time you haven’t hurt yourself, just helped yourself a bit less than expected.

The final thing is almost incidental, but is really useful.  I’m not a good note taker.  I don’t even write outlines for papers because of it.  Because of this I use a method that I’ve heard a teacher call the lowest form of note taking.  If it were the only thing done I’d agree.  Because of a poorly understood aspect of my dyslexia I don’t like yellow highlights.  I’ve always used alternative colors in the multi-pack.  Because of this I came up with a kind of color coded system.  It’s different for every book, but what I’ll do is have one color for definitions, and the definition is highlighted too, one color for Quotes, if those are important to the class, another for where graphs and charts in the book are referred to in the text (they usually have some sort of number and letter system for organization, so it really is nothing to highlight the 5-2 or whatever), and another color for names or dates if they mean something to the class.  What this does is make it really easy to look back in the book for something so I know what needs to be read to make something make sense.  Just so you know you can change the color of an adobi highlight as well. 

In many ways being learning disabled isn’t about what one can’t do, but how we do things differently.  Our brains function differently, and we have to suit the world to this.  In the process we find ways of learning and just getting work done, that I believe could be useful to people who don’t have learning disabilities.  Even if you read just fine hearing vocabulary words could be useful.  If you have test anxiety making sure you have as much work done before class has even started can leave more time for review.  In this you can become as confidant in the material as possible and be more relaxed for tests. 

I know that the adobi files for text books aren’t exactly common.  I doubt it ever will be simply because what I have could easily be plagiarized.  People such as me tend to be hypervigilant against doing that simply because we’ve spent most our lives being accused of not actually doing the work we offer, so I don’t think they worry about that so much, but if there is a way you can get an audio format of a book it can be so useful.  Playing a video game can become study time.  Driving in a car can become study time.  Making dinner, picking up the house, putting dishes away, can all become a time you review or study.  This could be invaluable to a working parent. 

What is for me simply the only way I can fit all I need to do into a day could become how someone else is able to do their school work and make time for other things.  In that I welcome you to experiment with my tools.  If something works grate.  If it works but only with a change to better suit your needs, even better.  We all learn differently, and we all use different tools.  I hope some of you find my tools useful. 

For those who think that they or a child would qualify for Learning Ally you can contact them at 1 (800) 221-4792, or you can go to http://teacherally.learningally.org/.  You can also find in the upper right hand corner of the page a place to make a tax deductible donation to help countless thousands of children and adults with a variety of reading disabilities to get the education they deserve. 

Reflection on 15% Prayed Discount (It's Not What You Think)

Over the weekend I came across this article while scrolling down Facebook.  North Carolina Diner Offers Customers 15 Percent Discount For 'Praying In Public.'  It got my attention not because of the title.  I tend to stay away from articles on other people’s religions unless it has to do with imposing one’s religion on others because overall I consider a person’s beliefs to be their own business.  What my friend had said in short was that such a thing was nothing more than giving Christians the chance to show off their Christianity.
 
I read the article waiting for the usual selfagrandizing preaching that so many evangelical extremists are so good at.  I encourage you to read the article and also to watch the video because what is said is not what is advertised.  It is stated multiple times that first off, this is not a true set discount, and two they don’t care who you pray to or even if it is actual prayer.  I wanted to write about this because I felt there was something deeper going on, and I wanted to give the actual diner the chance to say their peace.  I found their Facebook page Mary's Gourmet Diner and left this note for them.

“I write a blog on a number of issues, and I saw an article about your diner's policy on giving a discount for people who pray. I will try to be short because I saw you have gotten a lot of attention for this. I am concerned that perhaps it is being misrepresented. I saw you say that first this isn't a set rule, but just something done now and then, and second you'd even do it for those who just had quiet meditation.

The issue many people like me have when we see things like this is a focus on Christian ways with exclusion to other traditions. So here's my question. As a Wiccan if I were to give a moment to thank Gaia for her bounty would you count that? Is this limited to the Christian notion of prayer? I'd like to help clear this up if possible, and if you answer I will be happy to share a link to my blog post.”

The message I got back was succinct.  I have a feeling they’ve gotten a lot of messages in the last day or so.  

“You are free to invoke whoever or whatever you desire. Thanks for asking this question.

Peace”

I posed the question the way I did because in my experience nothing is going to invoke the wrath of the right wing religious extremists more than the phrase, “I’m a Wiccan.”  If anything was going to not count towards a discount if this had to do with pushing religion it was going to be that.  So, from what I can tell this is a case of a woman who immigrated to the US from a place where hunger is commonplace, and values a show of gratitude for the availability of it here.

I think the real story in this situation has more to do with the reactions of people to this intended show if generosity.  As a member of the LGBT community there are two things I get pointed out to me on a fairly regular basis.  One is that my sexuality sets me apart from the so called normal society.  I’m okay with that, I have been set aside from the normal society in one way or another since I was an eight year old girl newly diagnosed as dyslexic.  The second is that the Christian god hates me because I am a lesbian.  I’m fine with that too because I’m not a Christian.

This isn’t to say that all straight people see me as other, or that all Christians believe that their god hates gays.  What you have to understand is that far too often the hate is heard more than the love.  We are put in a place of otherness and those things that remind us of that feel like a reminder that we aren’t wanted.  It doesn’t have to be intended for the feeling to be there.

When you add to that the different kinds of injustices and acts of inhumanity that have been done to so many members of the LGBT community in the name of this one religion it isn’t any wonder why the first reaction to the idea of a prayer discount would be seen negatively.  I know that there are other parts of society whose first reaction to seeing something like this might be similar, but there are the reasons I know.  I’d assume that people with other identities that would make them see this badly have similar reactions for similar reasons.  Feel free to share your personal view.

The problem is this isn’t a case of exclusion by the Christian majority.  This isn’t a case of someone trying to make non-Christians act Christian.  The root of this is we have become so sensitized to the wrong done in the name of Christianity that we see it even when it’s not there.  Now, one could argue that many religions don’t have this concept of genuflection before food, but I don’t think this is the point here.  What we have is a woman who is looking for something in the people she serves that she can relate to.

As a person on public assistance who works and goes to school I struggle to find a way to have a reasonably healthy diet within the budget I have for food.  I’ve never been starving, but I’ve had long stretches before that assistance where my food budget was $20 a month.  Being reminded to be grateful for the resources I have isn’t a bad thing.  I saw a lot of cynical statements saying that they were sure no one but Christians ever got the discount, but I’d rather see the best in people whenever possible.  Sure there are times when cruel things are done in a way to be made to look nice.  But sometimes kind things can be made to look cruel and we don’t even realize we’ve done it.

So, tonight when I sit down to my mock chicken nuggets, (vegetarian) with ranch dressing I’m going to take a moment to remember the help my mom has given me to get by while I’m in school.  I’m going to remember that my sister pointed out that I did qualify for food assistance, and that there was nothing wrong with getting the help needed.  I’m going to remember all the people at Indiana children and family services who have always been kind and respectful to me and helped me get on SNAP.  I’m going to remember that getting on SNAP helped me choose to go back to school so I could eventually no longer need it.  I’m going to think about all those people and I’m going to say thank you for those blessings.  Who will I be thanking?  It doesn’t really matter, now does it?

Update: Mary’s Gourmet Diner will be ending the 15% discount.  I spoke with the owner earlier today on Facebook and in her words

“It was never my intent to break the law. I really have only good intentions & thankfulness. Anyway, we are stopping the discount.” 

I know there are those out there who will consider this a win, but I don’t.  I will not deny that it is important to insure that there is no discrimination in business, but there is a point when things can be taken too far.  In speaking with their representative I got the impression of someone who genuinely wanted to do something good for people with no specific religion in mind.  We must always work to fight against injustice in the US and around the world, but we must take better care in insuring we don’t hurt good people doing something different in the process.  As far as I’m concerned here, no one won this and too many lost.  In the fight for equality we must always work to show the best of who we are, in this case we failed. 

Uganda Took the First Step, Now Its Our Turn.

Today a huge step was taken in Ugandan rights.  It’s one of those cases where we didn’t so much make new ground, but took back some ground taken from us or rightfully said taken from them.  By Them I mean Ugandan members of the LGBT community.  This isn’t our success.  There are those of us around the world who have spoken out for an end to this law.  We said how barbaric it was, and we fought its enactment before it went into law.  I won’t deny this, but there is something more to this story. 

Uganda wasn’t the origin of the jail the gays bill.  Anti-gay laws in Africa didn’t exist until England took over swaths of the continent.  Only after Queen Victoria conquered the many countries did laws banning gay sex come to pass.  Before that the evidence shows that there was little concern over if a man was gay.  Queen Victoria had trouble even believing in the existence of lesbians so lesbian sex wasn’t a crime.  That actually took American influence. 

Granted, it was evangelical church’s American influence, but it is still western values being pushed on people.  They basically bribed them into following their ways by offering people aid with the intention of converting them to their religion.  Suddenly, people who never cared one way or another about gays were learning about, “the evils of homosexuality.”  When you live in a village with a poor quality of life, it is going to be hard not to be influenced by the people who come in and give these things that are needed.  When a church has helped build a well, or helped create a school they always did it with a bible in hand ready to tell the people to convert to their faith. 

This is western influence.  In my opinion this is western blackmail.  I wonder what would have happened to those schools if no one had been willing to convert.  I’m not saying that people in Uganda and other countries don’t hold responsibility for what has happened.  They did listen.  But we didn’t pay attention to what was going on.  We allowed people like Scott Lively to go to Africa and spread his hate unchallenged.  And that is our fault.  We have a hand in this.  The US and the UK both have a hand in this.

In the last year or so I’ve said this in different ways in different forums and if there is a response it is to say it isn’t their problem.  One woman said she was sick of having to clean up after their messes and even said they should go to Iran because, in her words, they needed to grow up.  Well, I’d say it isn’t African nations that need to grow up.  Over the last two hundred or so years different white nations have gone to African nations and systematically deconstructed the native cultures.

We went into these and many other countries and took over strong and stable regions raping their land, taking their people, enslaving them, sometimes getting them addicted to drugs, all for the sake of profit, and all under the guise of bettering the savages.  Well, it’s about damned time we cleaned up our messes.  We need to help restore the original cultures and value systems whenever possible.  We owe the LGBT members of these nations a safe place to escape not just to give them refuge, but to help educate a new generation. 

While we do that we need to work to help the people within the country overthrow dictators who are using LGBT members as scape goats for the evil they are doing.  We need to help bring the damage they are doing to light, and help promote unconditional and sustainable aid.  Don’t just build a well; help bring real balanced education to the schools.  Help them rediscover the cultures taken away by Apartheid influence. 

More than anything I believe we can take the tactics of the Anti-gay churches and turn them on their head.  Help bring sustainable industry to areas that have a more positive view of their LGBT members.  Stop punishing anti-gay nations, and start rewarding those whose Anti-gay attitudes are less intense.  At first it may be communities that say, hurt fewer LGBT community members, but over time some might see that those members of their community help make things better.

Maybe some of my ideas are bigger than we can manage, I honestly don’t know.  But what I do know is what we are doing doesn’t work.  We have tried punishing them.  We’ve tried laying blame elsewhere.  So let’s look at the lies being told and see the truth that lies underneath.  We did force western culture on African nations.  That did happen.  We’ve done it time and time again.  When we were done we looked down on them and said see how offal you are.  So now it’s time for us to say no, it wasn’t you.  This started with us.  You made this first huge step, now let us help you take it further.  Let us clean up our mess for once. 

The Dark Side of the Liberal Movement

So far my blogs have been about LGBT relationships, only somewhat alluding to another issue that is near and dear to me.  Long before I came out I was an LD student living in conservative Indiana.  My first experiences with discrimination were as a dyslexic child.  Back then, in the 1980s, the cause of dyslexia and ADD weren’t understood.  In fact there were doubts that ADD even really existed.  ADHD wasn’t even considered yet, and therefor wasn’t up for discussion.  To legally get the help I needed I had to be labeled as disabled, but the clear understanding of what category of disability people with dyslexia belonged under was up for debate.  As a child I was deemed to be mildly mentally retarded.  One of my clearest memories in school was going up to a teacher to tell her I was being called a retard and her saying, “Now Erica, retard is just short for retarded.  It may not be a nice way of putting it, but it’s not wrong.” 

What I learned was if one was being picked on for something that was true than it was deserved, and no one would do anything about it.  This shaped much of how I reacted to my budding sexuality.  I knew what happened to girls who came out.  When some boys decided that I was a lesbian and began to molest me in high school I knew I couldn’t say anything.  It would be decided that I deserved it.  For me, the process of coming out and growing up with a learning disability will forever be intertwined.  I was abused for my perceived sexuality.  They got away with it because the teacher didn’t want an LD student in his class.  I bring this up because what I have to talk about is directly affected by the attitudes that made such a childhood possible. 

You see, much of my life is determined by the issues I have as a dyslexic, but much of my political activity is directed by the fact that I am a lesbian.  In a very real way these things just don’t mesh.  Liberalism doesn’t have a place for people with disabilities that effect spelling and reading.  It is assumed that bad spelling means one is uneducated, and poor reading means one is ignorant.  I’ve noticed this attitude time and time again by friends of mine, and their reactions to when I call them out on their mockery of the tea parties creative spelling. 

An example would be a site called UPWORTHY.com I used to follow their page on Facebook, but I had to stop because of the vial attacks on me.  The final straw was when I commented on a video.  You see, I listen to articles using software called NaturalReader.  I select text, hit play, and hear what you read.  Before it, the best I could do was read titles and maybe two articles a night.  I just don’t read quickly enough or functionally enough to do more.

But, I’m still a college student and I spend most nights doing school work.  Some of which I could do while listening to articles.  Because of this while I listen to one article I am scrolling down Facebook looking for other articles to listen to until I have a full cue.  It is not uncommon for me to have up to 30 articles in cue at one time.  This means that if I am going to make a comment on Facebook it has to be before I actually get a chance to watch or read it.  I saw a title for a video, and thought it was self-explanatory enough to make an opinion.  As a person with a disability that effects reading it is a given that from time to time I’m going to be embarrassed by a mistake I make.  I accept that as a fact of life, like a blind person needing help getting from one end to another of a room they’ve never been in. 

What proceeded to happen because of this misunderstanding became a three day barrage of insults informing me that I didn’t have the right to comment on anything if I was too stupid and lazy to actually watch it first.  This was after explaining the mistake and why.  My learning disability wasn’t an explanation for an error by a disabled person deserving of respect, it was proof that I was, in fact stupid and lazy.  The fact that I made the mistake because I was trying to make time for school work was beside the point. 

Now, this is my point.  You are a 17 or 18 year old kid with severe dyslexia and you are trying to decide what your political stance is.  You are looking over a liberal site and you run into this situation.  Exactly how do you think that young person sees the liberal party at that moment?  They move on to see this pic:

And the only thing commented on is how stupid the person was who wrote it because they misspelled antichrist.  A poorly understood fact about dyslexics; we literally don’t see spelling errors.  It isn’t just that we can’t spell, we can’t, but the way we see letters makes us tend to autocorrect what we can spell to what was really meant. 

So what this child has learned is if there is one movement that has no place for them, that will never accept them, and that they will have to spend their lives being maligned for being who they are, it is the liberal party.  The sad part is that child will be 100% correct.  The even sadder part is this means we are actively working to insure intelligent capable young people become conservative tea party members who are systematically defunding the very education these children need.  It’s not that the Democratic Party is really taking much time or effort into helping LD kids, but at least in their efforts to expand education they don’t take from LD kids, they just ignore us.

Now, as an out and proud lesbian, and the daughter of two democrats I kind of have to be a part of this party wanted or not, but the point still remains that I’m not really wanted as I am.  Sure I can be as out and gay and be as outspoken as I want on that, but if I ever dare allow fatigue to get the better of me and post something without running it through spellcheck and grammar check, and then proof read it with reading software at least three times I better be willing to pay the price.  I’m expected to hide yet again in a community that is supposed to be mine, but in point of fact isn’t. 

My argument has always been when these jokes about the bad spelling in signs come up that there is a legitimate issue being ignored.  This is for the chance to basically do to these people what was done to me as a child.  When we lower ourselves in this way we become the bully on the playground, and I was bullied that way.  They only thing it ever did was tell me these weren’t really my people.  There was a made for TV movie made where a mother disowned her son for being gay.  After he killed himself she spoke out in support for gay rights.  In a speech she made she asked people to think about the words said because, “Our children are listening.”  Well, at the risk of being overly dramatic here, 1 in 5 people are dyslexic, and 1 in 5 of our children see these mockeries of issues they struggle with.  They see people called stupid for struggles they endure and they are listening. 

You are perpetuating another generation who will struggle with shame, and hide a fundamental part of who they are, because they aren’t stupid.  They aren’t lazy.  These are children usually with above average intelligence, these are people who work harder than you can ever understand to do things you find easy.  These are people whose causes go right along with the issues we speak out for.  So why not knock off the jokes, and point out the real wrong.  Be a welcoming place for people like me.  At the very least, consider who might be listening.